How I Met Your Mothers

Kids, in the Summer of 2019, while looking for dirt on Joe Biden in Ukraine.

I came close to finding the most perfect Russian bride standing in the rain.

Like, two of your mothers, she was a stunning Russian model and I really wanted to ask her if she had dirt on Hunter Biden. She stood there looking at me and my umbrella and I wondered what she saw in me. Was it my suit, was it my tie? Maybe it was something inside.

The poor girl stood there drenched in the rain and no one gave her an umbrella. I thought that was strange. Like it was really wet that day. The wettest rain you ever saw. Tremendous rain, probably the wettest rainy day in history.

Her name was Robin Scherbatsky and she was working for an intelligence agency called Shield. I was about to tell her all my deepest darkest secrets but then I discovered she was Canadian.

Then I looked at Melania and she was all wet too. I really have to ask the weather channel if they want me to blow up some clouds. I could do that, you know kids.

Standing in the rain, I could see that Melanie wasn’t going to work. I mean whoever heard of a FLOTUS who isn’t of the United States?

It’s crazy. If I wasn’t married to her, I would have demanded to see her birth cert.

Then I thought about it kids, a new reality show that we can make together.

Who wants to be America’s Next Top First Lady? WW2BANTFL for short.

Think of the ratings! This is going to be bigger than Space Force and involves no sciencey stuff.

We could audition women by walking in on their changing rooms and seeing who can get dirt on Joe Biden. We can film the whole thing at Mar-a-Largo and we can get some celebrity judges on the show like that guy Brett Kavanaugh. He certainly owes me one.

So what do you guys think? Are you ready for America’s Next Top First Lady?